18W 6D

Tomorrow our baby is 19 Weeks old. I can feel baby moving inside my stomach. So far no kicking yet. Sometimes the movement of baby makes me feel painful. But it's alright. At least I know baby is happy swimming inside.

Today is a bad day for me. Hubby is on working holiday in Japan right now. He departed Kuching on Sunday, leaving behind me and baby. While driving back from the airport, I was thinking maybe I should have accompanied him until he check-in departure hall. But I ended up continue driving home.

Last night was the first night Hubby in Japan. He did called me in the afternoon telling me he is very cold. I guess he called me at a shopping mall via public phone. He said he used 300 Yen to call back here. Then last night he bought a prepaid card to call back. We talked about 3 mins. He told me he bought some cosmetics and beauty products for me. Whee... I was so happy. But when he told me the price, I become very guilty. Cost him 9000 Yen loh. Aiksss.

After my dinner last night, I went home to check my facebook, he left some messages for me. He went to Business Centre to online, which cost him 100Yen for 15 mins. After reading his messages, I suddenly miss him a lot and cried...

Today I'm even worst.

I cried like a baby for around 5 mins in front of Sasa. That stupid dog must think I'm crazy. He called me a bit late today as he had dinner with their principals. When I reached home, I bumped into him on Facebook. We chatted for 15 mins. Hubby reloaded another 100 Yen to chat with me when the time about to finish. When he told me he left with 30 seconds, tears started rolling down my cheeks and I could feel my body shaking in tears. I was staring my screen crying. Even now when I'm writing this, my eyes are covered with tears.

Haiz.... I didn't know I can miss my hubby so badly. I guess our baby misses his "Booboo" sound too.

I always thought that I'm a strong independent person. Today proves me wrong. I'm actually very weak. I remember during my college years, I told my good friend not to step into a serious relationship as it will break our heart when the other party rejects us. I told her proudly that I'm only stepping in with one leg. The other one still outside. Anything bad happens, I just jumped out from the "circle". 8 years passed, hubby and I got married. I've put all my trust to this guy but I still think that I could still stand alone if anything happen. It looks like I'm no more an independent person. I've surrendered not just my both legs into the "circle", but together with my soul. Oh dear.

Every time when hubby went for business traveling, I'm very happy. Because I know I can have "me" time, occupy the whole bed by myself and no one to annoyed me. This trip is totally different. He is so far away from me until the extend I can't contact him at all.

Baby, we just need to bare for another 4 days to go to see daddy again. Today I'm going to accompany you, but I cannot make the "Booboo" sound to you ok. Have to wait daddy back to make that sound :)

I better stop writing now. I can feel tears going to roll down my cheeks again. Hais.